Hey, so this is my first rant or kind of like a freewriting session but with my feelings and problems so yeah, a rant. Anyways, I feel sick. Literally sick because I have a headache but I also feel sick in a deeper, scarier way. The reason for this is my recent sort of spiral downward that has been my life. My self-image is shit. My self-image is shit. Okay, it’s good to have that more concrete than just me repeatedly thinking about it. I don’t feel good enough for anyone anymore and that’s awful because I have a girlfriend. I cheated on her. I’m horribly guilty over that. I can’t fucking concentrate anymore. I can’t stand the pain of what a horrible person I am. I can’t stand the constant lies and deception towards her. But at the same time that I can’t stand all of that what I really can’t stand is imagining the pain I would cause both of us if I told her. That’s what has been keeping me lying and what I think will keep me lying. I love her and I don’t want to lose her. Maybe I should lose her to suffer for what I’ve done but I’ll just torture myself emotionally for a while as I have been doing.